Monday, September 15, 2014

Forever saying weird things that I instantly regret

  • Me, to pregnant receptionist who is going to be induced tomorrow: Good luck tomorrow! Just think, by Wednesday you'll be a parent!
  • Co-worker: I know! I'm so nervous. Everyone keeps telling me about how painful it is.
  • Me, forever saying weird things: Well, I hope the baby just slides right out!
Saturday, September 13, 2014
In this picture where I’m not at all the star and am just hidden in the right hand corner I think my hair looks great and wanted to share it.

In this picture where I’m not at all the star and am just hidden in the right hand corner I think my hair looks great and wanted to share it.

Weird little Saturday

My body decided to make me wake up at 7 when the thing I was legitimately most excited about was sleeping past my normal work wake up time, and then I got a little choked up watching the last 5 minutes (I wasn’t even invested!!!) of an episode of Top Chef Duels.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Attorney jobs where they ALSO require an advanced chemistry degree - what?  As if I didn’t spend enough time in school, you want me to have also gone and picked up a chemistry Masters or Ph.D.?  Doesn’t that limit your applicant pool to like, 5 people?

Thursday, September 11, 2014
chefthisup:

Summertime Penne with Fresh Corn, Tomatoes, and Basil.
Get the recipe here » http://bit.ly/1AnYzLf

chefthisup:

Summertime Penne with Fresh Corn, Tomatoes, and Basil.

Get the recipe here » http://bit.ly/1AnYzLf

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Acrylic Nails

I have never been a fan (even in high school when they were all the rage).  They’re just so…long and weird-looking to me.  

A girl just uploaded her wedding pictures to facebook and she had enormous french tipped acrylics and I honest-to-baby J and the three wise men just felt my gag reflex kick in.

So, apparently I have very strong feelings about a certain kind of fingernail.

My mom was “helping” me by waiting for a furniture delivery today

My mom was “helping” me by waiting for a furniture delivery today

Monday, September 8, 2014

OF COURSE this would happen to me

I just went to the bank and there was a very cute little toddler there, eating an ear of corn (?????). Her mother picked her up, and she started crying and threw her ear of corn, which hit me in the back.

Sure you can go to dinner with friends, go for drinks, even leave town for a few days. You’re cool, chill, having a good time, BUT DEEP INSIDE YOU’RE LIKE WHAT’S HE DOING WHAT’S HE DOING IS HE OKAY I WISH HE COULD TEXT ME 9 Signs You Have An Unhealthy Relationship with Your Dog (via revaballerina)

Monday +/-

+ I replaced my broken Keurig using points from the Keurig website (accumulated over years of ordering coffee from there before they sold most of it in stores like they do now), which brought my total to $65 instead of $130.  I had to get the OfficePro version because that’s all they offered with the points, and it’s loud as hell compared to the old one, but who cares, I live alone, and it was $65 instead of $130.

- Macy’s STILL cannot give me a status on my couch and is unable to locate it at this time because it has yet to arrive to the warehouse.  I will never again buy furniture from there and would encourage all of you and all people across America to do the same.  They have been nice enough to me about it, but nice doesn’t really cut it when they are unable to locate a fucking couch that was supposed to arrive to their warehouse on August 24 at the latest.  If I don’t get any sort of update this week (aside from the one I got today saying that they’d update me when they knew more, which they also told me last Tuesday and the Monday before that), I’m thinking maybe I’ll call the guy who sold it to me and see if he can have better luck with the service department.  NEVER AGAIN, MACY’S.

- My former landlord had a fire in his house three months ago and has been using that as an excuse for not having returned my security deposit (which, with 3% interest per year of living there, when I lived there for 4 years, adds up).  There were no damages and he told me - in writing - that I would be receiving the full amount, plus interest.  It’s been 39 days, and I’ve been trying to be nice about it because he did ask me to be patient as his computer was lost in the fire so he needed to contact his accountant to do the adding up of the interest and everything, but that shouldn’t take 39 days.  (Side note: under the state code, he has 45 days to return the security deposit, or I have an action of up to three times the deposit amount.  I didn’t want to go that route, but if I start feeling like he’s bullshitting me, you better believe that I will do what I have to do.)  Last week, I did the math myself and sent him the number along with a copy of the Lease and the start and end dates, so there’s really nothing holding him back from just cutting me a check.  I wonder if he is dishonest enough to take for himself monies which should be held in escrow (my brother thinks he is). 

+ My kitchen table arrives on Wednesday!  This means no more sitting on the floor on a dog bed while eating dinner!  I’ve been keeping things very elegant in the new house, in case you can’t tell.

+/- My sister left for Ireland (study abroad) on Saturday and I am both excited for her and sad because I will miss her.  It’s much easier than it was when I studied abroad because she can still text on iMessage using WiFi (I didn’t even have a phone when I went - a lot can change in 10 years) so I can still stay in contact with her. I really want to visit her because I love Ireland and would really like to go to Scotland, but I haven’t decided whether that is fiscally responsible, but I am entertaining the idea…

+ Very much looking forward to the end of the day when I can get back in my bed.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Just wrote a whole post on periods and then tumblr froze and deleted it.  I’m taking this as tumblr’s way of telling me that no one wants to read about my thoughts on evolution questioning why we have a period as a sign that we are NOT pregnant instead of an alert that we ARE.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

People on my neighborhood Facebook page are assholes and bring me endless hours of entertainment.

My mom refers to pizza as her “gateway drug” and any time someone suggests it she acts like someone just offered her crack and acts appalled. She loves it and is scared it’ll open the doors to throw her “diet” off track. I use that term loosely because she operates loosely under the Weight Watchers method except alters it so it consists of starving herself and then eating French fries and mini snickers bars and drinking many light beers.

Pretty sure the pizza wouldn’t really do anything.

I spent the evening calling my dog “Snuggsy Bogues” and then realized that probably very few young people would get that nickname joke and then felt very old for a second.